The Dog Scrap

I wonder if I am alone in being irritated by reports about the goings on at Cern. What really grates are the blasphemous references to a "God particle".

This is the so-called Higgs' Bosun which should, in my opinion, be called the dog particle. Anyone who has listened to Radio Four's "The Archers" of a certain vintage will know what I mean.

Higgs was one of the most interesting characters in the programme not least because, to the best of my knowledge, he never spoke. He seems to have been some kind of personal assistant or odd job man to Jack Woolley, erstwhile owner of the posh hotel, Grey Gables. The great love of Jack Woolley's life was his dog, Captain. As a busy businessman- who isn't?- Mr Woolley would often ask Higgs to take Captain for walkies. Now, I haven't concrete proof of this yet, you understand, but it is very likely that even if I don't have the evidence soon there is every likelihood that, barring the odd mishap and- all things being equal- I might have potential sighting of something which may or may not prove what I've been saying for sometime- that Higgs also may have had a dog of his own. This dog, if it really existed- in so much as any characters in a radio soap may be said to "exist" -would in all probability have a name inspired by the naval theme employed in the naming of his master's dog. It would be called "Bosun" or "Bo'sun"( written "Boatswain"). If you have managed to follow all this (and you really do have to be clever to believe what some scientists believe!) you will experience the "Eureka" moment when it dawns upon you that since this creature belonged to Mr Higgs it will have been known, not as "Woolley's Captain", but as "Higgs's Bosun".

And what if we find conclusive proof that Higgs's dog had another name?
Wel...l yes... that just goes to show how endlessly fascinating Science is because we would have to change all our theories. Either way, it's a job for life!